The importance of doubts in our spiritual life

 

Doubts are natural and inevitable in our prayer life, our conversations with God and with Jesus. This comes home to me as I read today's gospel from Matthew 14:22-36. It is a familiar story about how Jesus told his followers to go on ahead to the other side by boat and leave him to dismiss the crowd who had come to listen to him. After dismissing the crowd, Jesus went up into the hills to pray. Meanwhile, the disciples were battling against rough seas and a strong wind. Suddenly, Jesus appeared walking on the water. The disciples thought they were seeing a ghost. Jesus assured them it was he. After being assured that it was Jesus, Peter got out of the boat and began walking towards Jesus. Then, as he became aware of the storm, he became frightened and began to sink. He called out, "Lord, save me". As he held Peter, Jesus said, "Man of little faith, why did you doubt?" Now I want to pause here and question the way we have interpreted Jesus' words. We have tended to interpret Jesus' words as judgmental, as though he is reprimanding Peter. But I think there is another way of reading Jesus' words. I believe that he is saying. "You are, like everyone else, struggling to believe. So, your fear is natural and inevitable. What is important, however, is to face your doubts. They are also natural and inevitable." Without doubts, there can be no growth in faith. The greatest enemy of a bountiful spiritual life is absolute certainty. While this occasion has the disciples responding with the words, "Truly, you are the Son of God." On another occasion in Matthew's gospel, when Jesus calmed the storm, the disciples ask, "What sort of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him?" (8:27) A greater challenge to faith is not so much believing that Jesus is God but rather believing that Jesus is truly human and that we come to know him in the least - "Whatsoever you do the least of my brothers and sisters you do to me." (Mt 25:40) In your conversations, then, with Jesus, be free to express your doubts and fears. He understands. Take care, especially when working through the storms in your life.